How Am I Gonna Get Myself Back Home?
by Once.upon.a.happy.ending
Summary: Emma shows up at Neal's apartment after the events of Tallahasee. She's faced with quite a surprise.


Emma comes to the door, standing and waiting- she's been debating whether or not to knock for the past ten minutes. What if he's moved on? If he already has a family with someone else?

She'd been looking for Neal for the past month since she got out of jail. It had been her only goal upon leaving- more than finding a job, getting a GED, finding a place to live. She'd been hoping to find him at least to punch him, but maybe also see if he had some magical explanation for what he'd done and had someplace for her to stay.

Now, she finds herself here, worrying so much about what might be there when she knocks that she's wondering if it's a good idea to follow through with it.

She can't hear anything on the other side of the door, but she knows that this is the right place. She'd been waiting outside for a while earlier and he'd gone inside while she was there. He hadn't seen her, but she'd seen him.

He looked good. Happy.

What she wouldn't _give _for all of this to go away- for him to love her, to be able to be with him and be happy with him.

She takes a deep breath, deciding, screw it. If she doesn't do this now, she'll wonder what would've happened for the rest of her life. And it'll be much worse thinking of all the horrible things he _could _say to her than hear what he actually will.

She counts down in her head, _3, 2, 1, _and steps forwards, knocking hard on the door.

She hears steps and his voice and _God, she wants to run. _This took courage, though. To give up the little ounce of pride that came from her thinking that he might think she doesn't care.

She does care.

The door swings open, and there he is. He looks worse than she'd thought from a hundred feet away. His eyes are darker and he looks _exhausted, _more so than when he'd go nights, days without sleeping. But he still looks happy. How can someone be happy and that tired at the same time?

"Emma," he whispers, practically _breathes, _and it almost sounds like he's _relieved? _Why would he be relieved? "What are you doing here?" he doesn't sounds upset, still. Maybe confused, but not upset.

She looks him in the eyes, trying hard to make it clear- make it _seem _clear that she's angry. Just angry. The part of her that's happy to see him should stay hidden, gone, invisible until she leaves.

"Well, I think it's probably obvious what I'm doing here. What the hell _happened?_" she asks, getting angrier, getting angrier than she even wanted to look. "I mean, you- you said that- you made it clear that you were supposed to meet me, Neal. Why?" she asks, crossing her arms.

He closes the door behind him and steps out into the hall, "I- something happened. This guy, his name is August, came and told me that my dad… he'd found us. Well, as well as someone could have found us. And I swear to you, had it been anything else, I wouldn't have budged, but Emma. My dad is not someone to mess with. There's no way to know that he wouldn't have hurt you, and I _could not _let him do that," he steps forwards and she moves back.

"So, you left me _where your father thought we were _while you moved across the country. To keep me safe," she questions, stomping her foot.

He shakes his head, trying to look her in the eye, "No, my dad knew that we were in _Portland. _I left you in Phoenix, Emma. You turned out someplace where he couldn't have gotten to you-"

"How do you know that? He could've gone and told them that we were related or something, he could've gotten in, Neal," she tries to argue, but, as always, he has a counter.

"He could've have gotten in with anything to hurt you with. And why would he want to, he was looking for me," that gets her quiet as she thinks of something else to say. "I have something to show you, do you want to come in?"

She rolls her eyes, "I- fine," she gives in, following him as he opens the door and closes it behind her.

In the corner, there's a crib.

She steps back, looking over at it, "Neal, who's that?" she asks, her voice shaking and high pitched as he walks over to the crib and picks up a baby, carrying him on his side over to her.

His eyes are suddenly more gentle than she remembers them being a few minutes ago and at that moment, she _knows, _"This is our son," he says quietly, gently, stepping forward as the baby reaches his hand out towards her, "you put my name on his birth certificate, and apparently they had to ask me if I wanted him," he explains, watching her as she stares at their son, and her eyes are watering up.

He's not sure whether or not she's happy, whether or not she's even okay, but he's happy when it dawns on him; this is the first time they've all been in a room together.

She looks back up at him, "I was kinda hoping that you would find out somehow. That you'd take him," she smiles, still teary, still somewhere between unhappy and happy. "I would've, I just didn't thi-" she chokes on her words and tears start falling harder and she's _sobbing. _

Neal walks over to put the baby back in the crib before going back to her and wrapping her up in his arms, holding onto her tight, "Hey," he murmurs, putting his hand on the back of her neck and starting to rub up and down her back.

He's almost forgotten how to comfort her. Almost.

He has to think long and hard about what to say before he knows, "It's okay, you know. He's okay. He's happy, I think. I'll know more when he can talk," she chuckles at that, he's pretty sure, "you're still really just a kid, huh? I don't think I've ever thought of either of us as being really young until now. But, Em, you are. And, whether you think that this was a mistake or not, it's important that you've had time to grow up, that we _both _have," he explains.

"You can come be here if you want to, you know? Even if you just want to come hang out, that's fine. But, if you need a place to stay, you can," he sees the reluctant look on her face, "Okay, how about this; you stay for a week. Just seven days. And if it's not working, you can go and we'll forget about it."

She shakes her head, "I'd like to stay longer, I just don't want to make it harder on you," she mumbles towards the end, knowing what he'll say.

"If I gets too hard, I'll tell you and we can work something out. In the meantime, how about you finish school, so if it does you'll be able to get a job a little easier, yeah?" he asks.

She shakes her head, closing her eyes, "Let's just forget about it, this is a bad idea-"

"How is it a bad idea? What's gonna happen?"

"What if I hurt him, or get him sick or something? And you'll have to spend more money, it's just- it's fine. Okay, I'll be fine. I'll just go," she says, avoiding eye contact and pulling away from him completely.

He reaches forward and grabs her hand, "Emma, I love you. Please, please just stay, okay? I don't care about spending a little more, okay? I have a good job, we're getting by. I can't imagine you're _that _expensive. And if you stay, I don't have to keep paying a babysitter so I can go to work. I'm sure you won't drop the kid on his head, okay? It'll be fine," she shakes her head again, "why do you wanna go so bad?"

"I don't! I want to stay, believe me! It would be perfect if I could just stay here and not feel bad about it, but I will! I'll feel bad that you're having to go to work and I'm just here not _doing _anything! I am not a mother, okay? I don't know how to take care of a kid, and if I were to have to leave, I would not be able to survive knowing that I left him _again! _I want this family more than anything, and that's why I need to go, okay? Just let me _go,_" she says, pulling her arm away from him and heading for the door.

He follows her, halfway down the hall before stopping her, "I'm not going to make you leave, alright? I want you to stay more than _anything, _I swear. I'm not saying you _can't _get a job and help, you can go ahead, I'm just saying that it might be easier to do if you went to school first," he sees tears falling again and he reaches up to wipe them, "Em, I don't know how to take care of a kid, either. This is all new for me, too, and at least I can help you learn, okay? He's new, too, he wouldn't know if you're messing it up," she leans forwards into his chest, letting him rub her back again.

She leans back after a couple more minutes of crying, "One week?" she asks, wiping one of her eyes with her sleeve.

"One week."


End file.
